Fake Arm 101

How important is it for kids with disabilities to see themselves in fiction? Probably more important than we realize, but most children’s books featuring characters with a disability are written for abled kids to help them understand kids who are different. As a result, the books are more agenda-driven than one would like. However much I agree with the agenda, it still leaves something to be desired to write a story in such a way.

In any case, I was appreciative to see my experiences in picture book form in Harry and Willy and Carrothead, which is about a little boy who was born with one arm. He wears a prosthesis, plays sports, and lives a normal life. Who would have thought?

I especially liked these illustrations of little Harry growing up—running around as a toddler, finger painting as a kid.

And the happy ending encapsulated by the picture of the three friends. Notice Harry’s prosthesis?

This book is a great opportunity to talk to kids about limb deficiency in a way that relates to issues that they may have faced like being teased or bullied. I’d love to say it’s a great book, but I’ll stick with “great opportunity.” Really, I’d love to see a picture book where limb deficiency is like the multi-racial family in The Hello, Goodbye Window. Present, but not the point. Children’s book publishers? Listening??  More about the book in my review on Propernoun.net

(Originally published on Disaboom)

Shark Girl by Kelly Bingham

Missing an arm is like wearing a coat,
A really big, hot ugly coat
That I can’t take off.
Ever.
It’s all that people see.

–From Shark Girl by Kelly Bingham (my review)

Is that all I will ever be?  Arm Girl.  That’s how it feels sometimes.  That’s how it feels when strangers jump to my rescue in public places.  That’s how it feels when people I’ve just met tell me how proud they are of what I’ve done before I tell them anything about myself.  That’s how sympathy feels.  That’s how staring feels.

I was impressed with Kelly Bingham’s insight on the amputee experience.  It isn’t quite my experience, but I felt much of the story in Shark Girl to be true to what I knew.  The worries, the triumph, the frustrations.  I felt all of those as a teen myself.  So much so that I often became defensive about my arm as a result of people who fed into those feelings.  I purposely sought to do the unexpected including getting a job as a server in a restaurant.  I relished the experience and bragged about my job whenever I thought I could catch people off guard.  Don’t you dare tell me I can’t.  It became a mantra.

Thankfully those feelings have faded now.  I’m approaching thirty, and I’ve left most of the defensiveness in my ability behind as I have grown comfortable in what I can and cannot do.  I rarely bring up my tenure as a server these days, and when I do I forget why it was so significant until someone reminds me.  I forget to notice when people stare or double take, and that’s okay.

Post-Art-Project Mess

Mostly, I’m just regular girl these days.  A woman with a book in her purse and an art project in progress up in her studio.  A mom juggling a baby and life with less hands than would be convenient.  Just like anyone else.

I must admit to feeling more than a little off-put by the woman I met a few weeks ago whose first words to me were “What happened to your arm?”  And when her response was so sincerely sad for me, I checked out of the conversation pretty quick.  My more defensive side sprang to action to assume that someone who doesn’t “get it” couldn’t have anything to say of any import.  I felt bad later for judging her about as quickly as she judged me.  It isn’t easy to give people the benefit of the doubt.  But it’s necessary if we are going to get anywhere with anyone.

I have confidence, though, that things and people can change.  I know I have.  Mostly.