Fake Arm 101

Originally published on Disaboom

As soon as I published Fake Arm 101, I started getting emails. From parents with children with a limb deficiency wondering what sort of life they can expect for their little one. From expectant parents, with only an ultrasound to go on, saying how much better they felt after reading my words. From a woman wondering why her limb deficient brother won’t get a job.

I agonize over my reply emails to these people. These strangers. What can I say to them?

In one reply to a parent of a limb deficient boy I said, “It maybe comforting to you to know that I have led a completely normal life. High school, part time job, college, grad school, career, married, and currently pregnant. [Editor's Note: As of this moment (April 09), I'm a mama to a very active 15 month old.] I learned to ride a bike and took swimming lessons and all sorts of other normal kid things that it might’ve seemed like I couldn’t do. My parents never allowed me to use my arm as an excuse, so I never learned to think of myself as ‘disabled.’”

If that’s the case, though, what am I doing here? Why am I posting a blog entry on Disaboom.com? Do I belong here? I’ve never been quite certain if I belonged or not. For many years, in my idealist youth, I eschewed anything disability. I didn’t check the box on job applications much to the confusion of potential employers, I’m sure. I didn’t want to claim a label that didn’t feel like me.

But after years of being set apart for my limb deficiency. Of being asked questions as though I were living on a different planet rather than without part of a limb. Of demonstrating my prosthetic to wide-eyed children. Of overcoming the doubt in ability cast upon me despite all that I have accomplished. I came to accept the label. And embrace it.

Here I am. I can do absolutely anything, and I have done absolutely anything that I have ever wanted to do. But no one who doesn’t know me very well ever believes it. People still express surprise that I can type. I sometimes mention that I waited tables while in college just to see people’s faces. They’ll nod appreciatively. Then, it’ll register. A one-armed waitress? Seriously? Yes, seriously.

I’m as abled as the next person, but I can’t convince anyone of it. And that is why I am here. That is why I identify with the disability community. I’m not sure what I can offer to anyone. I never know what to say to the people who email me looking for advice after reading Fake Arm 101. I’m just a girl who can type fairly well who wrote up an FAQ to do with her life as it stands. I hope it helps.